I've moved....

I have moved this blog to wordpress

http://needingareasontobe.wordpress.com/

Oversensitive

I'm a lonely soul reaching out just to feel connected to the world around me. I'm not asking for much in return a little conversation, a smile, and if I'm lucky I end up with a friend or two. Seems with some in my life THAT is asking to much. I'm left feeling more alone, disconnected and hopeless as if I've done something wrong or crossed some invisible line I didn't even know was there.

I don't like feeling like I have to walk on eggshells around some people for fear that I may say or do something to set them off or hurt their feelings. Worst yet is feeling that way while they are telling you their fine and I don't believe them. Cause all their actions are saying otherwise. I'm not a mind reader and unless you are standing right in front of me and I can see it on your face, it's just not gonna happen.

Am I being oversensitive? Yes. Can I change the way I am? Maybe

The better question is do I NEED to change the way I am? Isn't the way I am one of the reasons we started talking in the first place?

So what changed?

I can give one answer to that question. You did. I'm still the same crazy big hearted person I've always been. I still care about others and what makes them happy like I always have. You changed the way you see me and you cant admit it. It could be for the better or the worse, either way you are trying to keep things the same when they just cant stay that way.

People change, life changes, relationships change. Acknowledge it, talk about it and move on.

Just please whatever the reason for the change...let us talk about it and move on...no matter what direction it may take us.

You got a different answer to the question? that's what the comments are for...and for some of you...you know how else to reach me.

Soldier

It's funny how sometimes life gives you back your memories just when you least expected them or even wanted them.

It's been over 20 years since I've seen him, but I think about him at least once a day. I still remember what he looked like, though I could pass him on the street and never know it was him these days. It has been many years since I could remember his voice, and somewhere in the masses of stuff I still own are letters he wrote along with a few pictures.

From these memories I carry two regrets...1) a missed phone call in the middle of the night to tell me he was being deployed (Desert Storm) 2) not knowing if he ever made it home...

I keep the memories alive in my mind, and I keep him in my heart always.
There is a part of me that will always be "Right Here Waiting"

I will never forget L.B.

I'm not fine...

What the hell is wrong with me that I feel I need to lie to people when they ask "are you okay?" "what's wrong?" I say I'm fine, just tired, been a long day...anything but the truth. I'm not fine, I'm so fucking far from it I'm scared by it.

I have so much anger, hate, disgust, fear and pain locked up inside of me right now that should I let just a little of it out by answering those questions honestly, it would all come out and in the form of sobs. I can't break down right now there is no room for it among the rest of the shit that is going on.

The very worst part of it is that it's easy to hid when the person asking can't see or hear your answer. It's safer that way. And it breaks my heart when I lie to someone who can hear it in my voice, how knows I'm lying to them and I silently thank them for not pushing it. What other choice do I have? Answer honestly, lay out my pain on display for them? I know they care that's why they ask. But can they handle the answer, can I?

Pay It Forward

Follow Your Dream-Sheryn Regis

The R-word